I treat Jews like family. I don’t trust my family. My mother married a crazy black man from Africa. What does that say about her rush to judgment? My father left my mother when I was a young boy. What does that say about what he thought of my mother?
The point is that I trust no one. Including Jews. They’re voters with money. They’re influential in government and media. But they can’t be trusted. After all, they always put Jewish interests first.
I’ve been preparing a major speech just for Jews. I won’t say anything new or surprising except that I’ll put all of my positions into one speech and be done with it. They’ll be happy. I’ll get campaign money for a few promises, they’ll get promises in exchange for their money. We’ll both be happy.
Why do reporters not ask Jews what they think about Barack Obama? Because they might say the wrong things and that would embarrass reporters. They’ve been painting my picture for years. If Jews start asking the wrong questions or giving the wrong answers it will make reporters look bad and Jews look bad.
In a nutshell, the expectations are that I love Jews, I am committed to Israel’s safety, I won’t negotiate with terrorists, I’m in favor of freedom, I love God, apple pie, and baseball.
Rich old Jewish people may not be able to hear well, they may believe rumors and not believe what they read in the newspaper, even though they control the media, but they’re not stupid. They need reassurance from me that I am in their corner, I’m with them, I believe in their interests.
Of course I do.
And I believe in cash, checks, money orders, Visa, Master Card, and American Express.
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