Obama’s Diary

I cannot be the only politician in Washington, D.C. who has had enough of polls. Numbers go up, numbers go down. It’s about time that pollsters looked for work elsewhere.

My case in point is a recent poll which shows John McCain even with me in a national poll. The only problem there is that Americans don’t vote nationally. We vote in neighborhoods, then state-by-state, so a national vote total, even in a poll is meaningless.

Ask Al Gore what he thinks about winning the popular vote over George W. Bush. Gore did alright. Nobel. Oscar. Emmy. Bush? Worst. President. Ever.

Polls don’t tell the real story. For example, most polls show that I’m closing the gap on Senator Clinton in Pennsylvania. In reality, I’ll get beat pretty badly there. Too many white folks. We’ve already started to tone down the expectations. Indiana is up for grabs but North Carolina is mine for the taking. If you believe the polls.

Once I’m President I’ll ask congress to forbid polls within six months of an election. Let the voters decide on their own who to elect. Within six months of any election, federal, state or local, no polling.

Tell it like it is. Those are tough words for a politician. I view it as a challenge, that’s why I stayed out of Pennsylvania when I said the working class there are bitter and don’t like people who are not like them.

It’s interesting, but no one has disagreed with what I said, which means I said something true. People just don’t like to know they’re bitter and frustrated when they are. Reminders hurt.

Too bad. A little tough love never hurt anyone.

Pennsylvania, get over it. Move on. Those jobs are not coming back. Your political leaders sold you away to a life of slavery and misery. Cling to your guns and religion and hatreds of all people non-white, but the rest of the world is moving on.

That’s not deriding the religious and cultural values of working class people in Pennsylvania. It’s telling it like it is. Deal with it, people.

Hillary doesn’t know it, but she’s doing me a big favor with her latest round of attacks. She’s doing what the Republicans will do in the general election this fall– try to beat me up. 

It won’t work with Hillary. It won’t work with John McCain.

Still, I had to laugh when I saw Hillary packing a six gun at a campaign rally, just so she could get on the good side of gun owners. Hillary probably believes that people kill people, not guns. She drank a beer, too. Then the bartender challenged her to a shot– she grabbed a glass of whiskey and tossed it down like Annie Oakley.

Hillary didn’t even know she was drinking Canadian whiskey. She just doesn’t know her whiskey like I know whiskey.

This campaign is entering the final days of silly season. It’s politics as usual for the usual characters in politics. Sometimes I wonder why I chose this profession. Hanging around people who lie, cheat, and steal for a living cannot be good for the soul.

That didn’t take long. Uproars burn from little sparks. Yes, many small-town, white Americans are bitter, xenophobic, and cling to their religion and guns. That’s the word I should have used. Xenophobic. 

Most middle-class voters have no idea what it means. Now I’m being called ‘pugnacious’ for defending what I said. It’s a good thing that most people don’t know what that means, either.

People understand ‘irresponsible and naive‘. That’s what Hillary calls me. So, I called her ‘irresponsible and naive‘ for voting for the war in Iraq. Did anyone notice that she never apologized for her vote? Why? That’s not what politicians do.

Somehow, in the twisted world of what makes up politics in Washington, D.C., pugnacious is acceptable as a good trait, but showing weakness and apologizing in public for a huge mistake of epic proportions is considered a mistake. 

To say that Philadelphia is a city of crooks run by crooks is to say that George W. Bush is the worst President ever. Everyone knows.

We’re trying to organize our typical grass roots campaign in Philadelphia and ran into a few snags along the way. Snags? Philadelphia is run by crooks who want their palms greased before they agree to help my campaign.

It isn’t just the local politicians who are on the take, either. Ward leaders want cash up front to organize street volunteers. Street volunteers want $100 a day to hire other volunteers to distribute leaflets and campaign material, and they each want $10 an hour. It never ends.

It’s a racket in Philadelphia. Everyone wants a cut of the action. Even kids on the streets. They don’t have a job. They don’t have any money. They have a chance to work for a cause that will benefit the country and their future, and all they want is $10 an hour.

We didn’t have this problem in San Francisco or Seattle or Austin. Philadelphia isn’t the City of Brotherly Love. It’s the city of brotherly extortion, and I’m the brother.

Why bother with public campaign finance money? It’s not enough. Sure, $84-million in two months sounds like a lot of money. To John McCain.

It’s chicken feed. I’ve raised twice that much money already, and can probably do it again between now and the general election. The deal is rather straightforward. Or, as I like to tell reporters, “It’s simple math, boys!”

The government collects money for campaign financing. However, once a presidential candidate decides to use public financing, he must agree not to raise or spend money beyond the amount the government provides.

Please. What is American about that? We have created a parallel public financing system where the American people decide if they want to support a campaign they can get on the internet and finance it.

Since John McCain’s followers and supporters are old people who don’t know how to use the internet, he wants to take public campaign finance money.

Sorry, John. No can do.

It’s time to put on my Prince Charming suit and bring it home to the ladies of Pennsylvania so I can pave my way to Pennsylvania Avenue.

The women of Pennsylvania are so starved for attention that all I have to do is smile and catch a few eyes while I’m campaigning here. These poor women are working two jobs, raising children, managing a household, and all the while their deadbeat husbands collect unemployment.

Is it any wonder that Hillary Clinton is leading in the polls here?

Not for long. The charm is on. The time is now. The ladies await their suitor. First, Philadelphia’s suburbs and the desperate housewives and soccer moms, then I move the charm and the smile and the touch and some Barry White campaign music to the many blue collar women throughout the state.

Ah, I love politics.